I can’t believe Nard-Dawg shot Matt Damon!

Liz has always been one to have very elaborate dreams but being pregnant is taking it to a whole new level.


On Sunday, we saw “Inception” for the first time (thanks Netflix!). The disc was marked ‘Rental’ which prevented us from skipping the previews. We watched a preview for a movie that starred Matt Damon (he plays a ‘retired’ psychic of some sort) which actually looks like a good movie (Liz and I are both Matt Damon fans as well). As we lay in bed later that evening, we watched episodes of “The Office” on TV.

The following is one of the most epic dreams Liz has ever described to me (I took creative liberties in some of the smaller elements):



Liz and I were at a gala event of some sort. The event was taking place in large hall. Low lighting and dark woods added a very ele

gant element to the evening. Liz was dressed in a stunning, floor-length black dress while I looked dapper in my classic tuxedo. Liz took notice of one of our friends who was off to the side of the room, alone. We walked up to Andy (you know, Ed Helms’s character from the office) who was crying because his girlfriend had just left him (I asked Liz if his girlfriend was ‘Erin’ but she never saw the gal’s face). He was starting to compose himself as we offered words of encouragement when another mutual friend of ours (Matt Damon) sauntered up and started playfully shoving Andy.

‘Come on man,’ Matt said to Andy. ‘Don’t be mad at me, she came up to me! She told me you guys were over.’
‘Back off!’ Andy yelled as he shoved Matt back. ‘You knew I was crazy about her! You can have any girl you want… and you had to have mine.’

Liz and I disarmed the argument and told Matt to stop being a jerk. Matt gave Andy a smirk as he walked back to the party. We continued to try to calm Andy down but he was still very distraught.

The next thing you know Matt, Andy, Liz, and I are all back at our house (you see, Matt and Andy had flew in for this event and needed a place to stay. Since we’re all such good friends, it was obvious that they would stay at our house). I was washing up in the bathroom when Liz, wide-eyed with terror, ran into the bathroom shaking.

‘Andy’s got a gun and he’s walking down the stairs. I think he’s going to kill Matt!’ she cried.
‘How do you know?’
‘I was getting ready to walk down the stairs to get some water and I saw him from behind. I saw him walking down the stairs with a gun!’

Just then, we heard two shots ring through the house. Liz and I stared at each other in utter disbelief.

‘What do we do?’ Liz asked in hushed tones.
‘We do what we have to do’ I said matter-of-factly as I walked to the dresser.
‘You can’t shoot him!’ Liz cried. ‘He’s distraught, he’s not going to hurt us… we’re his friends! He doesn’t realize what he’s done, we need to talk to him calmly.’ Just then, there was a knock at the door.

‘Joe, don’t shoot him!’ she said as I cocked my Colt .45.
‘Liz, he just killed Matt! We can’t take any chances.’
‘If you have to, shoot him in the le-‘ she didn’t have time to finish her next word.

As Liz opened the door, I wrapped my arms around her to pull her out of the way. In the door, Andy stood with his head lowered. Without even thinking I pulled the trigger three times and delivered 3 hollow-point bullets to Andy Bernard’s chest.

Andy never looked up. He dropped to his knees and slid back against the door frame (I tried to tell Liz that a .45 to the chest would’ve knocked him back at least 4 feet but it was her dream). We stepped over Andy so that we could run downstairs to check on Matt. In the living room lay the body of our good friend, Matt Damon. Blood and brain matter were splattered on the wall behind him.

Liz woke up from that dream around 5:15 Monday morning; waking me up in the process. If she keeps having dreams this epic I don’t know that I’d mind being woken up 🙂

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